Have you ever noticed, when reading a metaphor, that the idea is solid, but the execution hasn’t quite hit the mark? And when I say metaphor, I’m referring to all subcategories of metaphorical language (simile, metaphor, personification, etc.)
For this post, I’ve decided to take early drafts of some of my own metaphors from my current novel, describe what wasn’t working, and then you can compare it to the revision. My hope is that this will help other writers identify logic, originality, and clarity issues with their own metaphorical language and rework accordingly.
EXAMPLE 1 DRAFT: Marcelle’s eyes were downcast when she knocked into Jen, and Jen spun like a turnstile.
DISCUSSION: I liked what I was going for here, the image of a turnstile, but it wasn’t quite what I wanted. While a turnstile does spin, and the logic works in a way, this makes it seem like…
View original post 370 more words
The Biblioanthropologist 